Thursday, May 27, 2010
Micky Flanagan
If you can, listen to Flanagan's What Chance Change? one of the funniest and most intelligent programmes currently on Radio 4
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Suicide? That's Not In Your Job Description!
There's been discontent at the factory of Taiwan iPhone-maker Foxconn
where the staff have prone to a bit of suicide lately.
Apparently:
"the company has told workers to sign letters promising not to kill themselves"
What measures Foxconn plan to take against employees that renage on this agreement is not stated.
And to think that I work amongst people who think it's a bit much for the management to request that they turn up on time EVERY DAY!
where the staff have prone to a bit of suicide lately.
Apparently:
What measures Foxconn plan to take against employees that renage on this agreement is not stated.
And to think that I work amongst people who think it's a bit much for the management to request that they turn up on time EVERY DAY!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Man in the Brown Rubber Coat?
I was sifting through CVs today, including one with the claim that the candidate had once been a "Latex Foreman".
I mean, REALLY!
I mean, REALLY!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
In Sickness and in Health, Until DEATH TO ALL HUMANS!
At a recent wedding, the not-too-happy couple were left wondering if they were actually married after a ceremony in which the vicar appeared to be so hapless that it was unsure if the nuptials were actually followed through correctly.
However, trust the Japanese to do away with any wedding day uncertainties with Robo Registrar
I suppose it alleviates the anxieties during the "and does anyone know of any impediment that would forbid this marriage? Speak now or hold thy peace!" bit of the show, as any potential interruptant would not want to risk being lasered into oblivion by the cyber-priest.
Which reminds me: Lasers are Fifty Years Old!
However, trust the Japanese to do away with any wedding day uncertainties with Robo Registrar
I suppose it alleviates the anxieties during the "and does anyone know of any impediment that would forbid this marriage? Speak now or hold thy peace!" bit of the show, as any potential interruptant would not want to risk being lasered into oblivion by the cyber-priest.
Which reminds me: Lasers are Fifty Years Old!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
New Dawn; Latest
Word from the cabinet is that things are settling down, and that sterling work is being done to address the nation's pressing issues.
However, head boy, Osborne, has been complaining about the influx of other boys, and their behaviour in particular.
"This morning" he told us "some of the new boys said they had some special binoculars that could show us a vision of the New Britain"
"When I looked through them I couldn't see anything, and when I said so the others just sat there giggling like there was something funny about it. I told them they were just stupid and they all burst out laughing and ran off!"
When asked about the rings of black ink around his eyes, Osborne appeared to be perplexed, before running off towards the dormitories, cursing.
However, head boy, Osborne, has been complaining about the influx of other boys, and their behaviour in particular.
"This morning" he told us "some of the new boys said they had some special binoculars that could show us a vision of the New Britain"
"When I looked through them I couldn't see anything, and when I said so the others just sat there giggling like there was something funny about it. I told them they were just stupid and they all burst out laughing and ran off!"
When asked about the rings of black ink around his eyes, Osborne appeared to be perplexed, before running off towards the dormitories, cursing.
Friday, May 14, 2010
And The Winner Is....
Things are moving apace in Lord David "Dave" Cameron's new improved cabinet, but there has been some dissent from his new best friend Nick Leg.
Westminster School boy Nick, who won his place in the cabinet on a TV popularity contest, is questioning the set up.
"When I entered the TV contest, I'm sure that the prize was being Prime Minister!" said Leg. "In fact, when I was going on, I was really nervous, but the lady with the clipboard said don't worry, just go out there and tell them why you want to be Prime Minister", so that's what I did."
"Anyway, when I got to number ten, "Dave" told me that he had already been to see the Queen, and that HE was the Prime Minister because the Queen asked him already, which is really unfair because his Mum and Dad already know her, and it's unfair because I won the TV contest!"
However, it does appear that the boys have made up, and are now inseparable, although it is unknown whether they have actually become blood brothers with a rusty pen-knife or something.
Politic experts are yet able to ascertain whether any of this makes sense.
Westminster School boy Nick, who won his place in the cabinet on a TV popularity contest, is questioning the set up.
"When I entered the TV contest, I'm sure that the prize was being Prime Minister!" said Leg. "In fact, when I was going on, I was really nervous, but the lady with the clipboard said don't worry, just go out there and tell them why you want to be Prime Minister", so that's what I did."
"Anyway, when I got to number ten, "Dave" told me that he had already been to see the Queen, and that HE was the Prime Minister because the Queen asked him already, which is really unfair because his Mum and Dad already know her, and it's unfair because I won the TV contest!"
However, it does appear that the boys have made up, and are now inseparable, although it is unknown whether they have actually become blood brothers with a rusty pen-knife or something.
Politic experts are yet able to ascertain whether any of this makes sense.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Lord Snooty & His Chums: The Parliament Years
It's taken a week, but Britain's new government has finally sat down and started work with its first cabinet meeting.
However, things got off to an unsteady start this morning, as the gathering proved to be disruptive with the two sides attempting to settle in together.
"It was the boys from the other schools that started it" said Cameron's head boy, Osborne. "They were throwing bread rolls at David's top hat, trying to knock it off, which is just bad form, and certainly not Eton rules!"
Osborne attempted to maintain order but was frustrated.
"I even asked Matron to do something about it, but she just looked at me and said "I'm the Home Secretary you twat!"which was a little uncalled for, and I'll certainly get my parents to write to the Head about her."
"The problem is" Osborne continued "people don't appreciate that Eton chaps are born to lead. It's nothing to do with the fact that our parents are very rich and well connected, it's because we're just superior. I mean, look at how well Boris is getting on in London, and he's just a blithering idiot!"
As Osborne turned to re-enter to the room, which was a riot of paper aeroplanes, it became apparent that someone had attached a "Kick Me" sign to his back.
Political experts are at a loss to explain where this will all lead.
However, things got off to an unsteady start this morning, as the gathering proved to be disruptive with the two sides attempting to settle in together.
"It was the boys from the other schools that started it" said Cameron's head boy, Osborne. "They were throwing bread rolls at David's top hat, trying to knock it off, which is just bad form, and certainly not Eton rules!"
Osborne attempted to maintain order but was frustrated.
"I even asked Matron to do something about it, but she just looked at me and said "I'm the Home Secretary you twat!"which was a little uncalled for, and I'll certainly get my parents to write to the Head about her."
"The problem is" Osborne continued "people don't appreciate that Eton chaps are born to lead. It's nothing to do with the fact that our parents are very rich and well connected, it's because we're just superior. I mean, look at how well Boris is getting on in London, and he's just a blithering idiot!"
As Osborne turned to re-enter to the room, which was a riot of paper aeroplanes, it became apparent that someone had attached a "Kick Me" sign to his back.
Political experts are at a loss to explain where this will all lead.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
BBC: Tories Are Evil; Fact!
According to the BBC, in a direct consequence of the the Conservative Party's coup Britain Froze Over in May!
OK, they don't quite spell it out like that, but note the dates: the last time it happened was under Tory rule in 1996.
As you know, the Shoebox is not biased, but it knows that it never happened under the thirteen years of labour!
It doesn't augur well. It'll be raining frogs next.
OK, they don't quite spell it out like that, but note the dates: the last time it happened was under Tory rule in 1996.
As you know, the Shoebox is not biased, but it knows that it never happened under the thirteen years of labour!
It doesn't augur well. It'll be raining frogs next.
Election Latest
For our foreign readers, regarding our exciting new coallition government, a brief explanation may be necessary.
Basically, David Cameron, from elite boys school Eton, has pursuaded Nicholas Clegg, from elite boys school Westminster to be his Fag.
Expect High Jinks!
Basically, David Cameron, from elite boys school Eton, has pursuaded Nicholas Clegg, from elite boys school Westminster to be his Fag.
Expect High Jinks!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Nude Latest: Turkey
First it was Volcanic Ash shutting the airports, now the leisure killjoy police want to stop us enjoying the first Nude Hotel in Turkey!
Admittedly, the hirsute Turkish nude is probably not to everybody's taste but come on, loosen up!
Admittedly, the hirsute Turkish nude is probably not to everybody's taste but come on, loosen up!
Friday, May 07, 2010
Notorious
On the day that Britain welcomes its first Green Party member of parliament, we alos get to read about the UK's Gay Marriage to End in Murder
Apparently, the convicted man;
admitted often beating up or trying to strangle John, 35, as a "means of relieving stress".
Come on, what's wrong with a glass of wine and a massage?
Apparently, the convicted man;
Come on, what's wrong with a glass of wine and a massage?
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Goodnight, And Goodluck
Nigeria's president has died, so meet their new leader:
Goodluck Jonathan
And in Nigerian politics, he'll need it.
Goodluck Jonathan
And in Nigerian politics, he'll need it.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Vote Wisely
A chilling warning from the Evening Standard, spelling out the possible consequences of voting Eton on Thursday.
The sight of Mayor Johnson cycling around London in a body-hugging "action-tunic", able to evaporate the poorer citizens with nothing more than a haughty, disdainful squint would possibly be a step too far!
Mind you, I'm not sure that dispensing preternatural gifts is actually in the Prime Minister's gift?
Or have I got the wrong sort of Superpowers?
Maybe Dave has the post-war Soviet Union in mind?
Or 16th Century Spain?
Yes, that sounds about right; Boris in a doublet and hose, sending the poor to certain death as doomed mariners vainly searching for El Dorado.
Be careful where you put your tick.
Dear Diary
Despite the damp and cold, the Shoebox has enjoyed an extended weekend.
On Friday, my partner and I visited the Quilt exhibition at the V&A.
On telling a colleague as I left work the evening before, he looked concerned and kindly suggested that, at a pre-arranged signal, he could call me, claiming a "Civil Emergency " to get me out of there.
There was, however, no need for this, as the exhibition is rather excellent. However, as one of the few males present, and walking around separated from my partner, I believe that there was an assumption amongst the women folk that I may be a little "light on my feet".
Anyway, just to balance things out, on my way home I caught Kick Ass at the cinema. Rather wonderful, in a dodgy violence-porn kind of way.
Then home to watch UP. I have been told that unlike Disney, who test everything to death, Pixar like to trust their own judgement. UP justifies this stance totally, and should be considered a surrealist masterpiece, although the fact that it is animation and Hollywood it will certainly never be given the credit it deserves.
On saturday it was Ricky Gervais' Cemetery Junction.
A nice piece of verisimiltitude, if a little unfocussed, although Gervais' ear for a good soundtrack is found to be flawless.
Sunday: Pet food run, via Garden Centre.
Monday: to the tip, where the staff were flying a kite tied to one of the bigger bins. Wonderful.
On Friday, my partner and I visited the Quilt exhibition at the V&A.
On telling a colleague as I left work the evening before, he looked concerned and kindly suggested that, at a pre-arranged signal, he could call me, claiming a "Civil Emergency " to get me out of there.
There was, however, no need for this, as the exhibition is rather excellent. However, as one of the few males present, and walking around separated from my partner, I believe that there was an assumption amongst the women folk that I may be a little "light on my feet".
Anyway, just to balance things out, on my way home I caught Kick Ass at the cinema. Rather wonderful, in a dodgy violence-porn kind of way.
Then home to watch UP. I have been told that unlike Disney, who test everything to death, Pixar like to trust their own judgement. UP justifies this stance totally, and should be considered a surrealist masterpiece, although the fact that it is animation and Hollywood it will certainly never be given the credit it deserves.
On saturday it was Ricky Gervais' Cemetery Junction.
A nice piece of verisimiltitude, if a little unfocussed, although Gervais' ear for a good soundtrack is found to be flawless.
Sunday: Pet food run, via Garden Centre.
Monday: to the tip, where the staff were flying a kite tied to one of the bigger bins. Wonderful.
This Island Breed
As we yet endure the winter that just won't leave, I wonder just who the swimmers were that the coastguard were rescuing in Devon yesterday?
According to my research, Devon had a temperature of 10° C, (50°F), with a Northerly blowing to add the appropriate level of wind-chill to suggest that it was not a day for the beach.
Can I reassure readers that I grew up next to the English Channel, and I can reassure them that it offers a cold swim even in July/August.
Therefore, May 3rd would not be my choice to start the summer. It would not surprise me to see some of those rescued were clutching on to ice-floes.
Yes, it's the Bank Holiday mindset: it's sunny, therefore it's summer. Shorts, sunglasses, short-sleeves and hypothermia.
It's the British Way.
According to my research, Devon had a temperature of 10° C, (50°F), with a Northerly blowing to add the appropriate level of wind-chill to suggest that it was not a day for the beach.
Can I reassure readers that I grew up next to the English Channel, and I can reassure them that it offers a cold swim even in July/August.
Therefore, May 3rd would not be my choice to start the summer. It would not surprise me to see some of those rescued were clutching on to ice-floes.
Yes, it's the Bank Holiday mindset: it's sunny, therefore it's summer. Shorts, sunglasses, short-sleeves and hypothermia.
It's the British Way.
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