London On The Precipice Of Humiliation

Unbelievably, the polls indicate that idiotic candidate Boris Johnson, (seen here walking a three legged dog) is edging it in the Mayoral race.

If the suburbs vote the fool in, then London, and the UK itself, will lose any supposed moral superiority over those ex-colonials across the Atlantic who elected in Bush (twice).

Imagine Johnson reacting to the next terrorist outrage? "I say, rum do, don'cha say, what, what? Excuse me, I ASKED FOR CANAPES!"

The fact that this twit is the only alternative to Ken is a damning indictment of our political system in the capital.

To hell in a handcart, that's where we're heading.

This is the Olympics all over again.

David Blaine Holds His Breath For 17 Minutes

Yeh, I know how it feels: I was caught in a lift with the delivery guy from the envelope company once!

Put it this way, he was the kind of guy that never completely leaves a room!

Henry William Windle Potts!

Yes, it's Henry William Windle Potts!

Who? I hear you ask!

Henry William Windle Potts!

He's real! And you can vote for him this Thursday; but only if you live in Highgate, where he's the Woodhouse candidate for the local election there.

Oh, sorry, he's a Liberal Democrat! Sort of the same thing really.

Wizard wheeze, what?

(Sadly, The London Borough of Camden isn't up to speed enough on this "internet" business to list the candidates online: I'm sure if you phone and leave a message, they'll send you a list next week sometime).

Free Tibet: Made In China

I've always been staggered by the gullibilty of all those trogs who drive around during the world cup with their cars sporting plastic England flags, unwilling as they are to question the logic of importing their patriotic symbolism from the far east.

Well, those Chinese flag manufacturers have excelled themselves this time, according to the BBC, as it has been discovered that standards proclaiming a Free Tibet have indeed been manufactured within China itself!

Give us the money now, we'll sort the ethics out later!

Evening Standard: 66 Die In China Train Crash

If I told them once, I told them a hundred times: Kaolin is not a suitable material for locomotive manufacture!

They Walk Among Us

Local Incident Makes News

It seems that the "Star Wars" franchise is capable of generating its own publicity, even when it comprises merely of a bunch of Welsh nobodies being attacked by the pisshead nobody down the road.

Check out (if you have nothing else to do with your life) the BBC's Jedi News

The IT/Gents Toilet Interface

Well, when they moved the Client Services hobbits out of the basement, and moved the IT herberts IN, I was vocal in my reservations about having to share our area with THEM.

Computers, yes they know how to do that; but social skills?

I was poo-pooed by the liberal namby-pambies, but the poo-poo is certainly on them now.

How anyone can get excrement where THAT ANIMAL got excrement beats me, but what I DO KNOW is that this sort of thing didn't happen before IT moved in.

Even with YOU KNOW WHO around.

To put it delicately: you can't flush it from there!

It was also visible from the corridor, as you opened the gents door. I mean; I ask you! Really!

"If there is a cleaner in the vicinity of the basement, we have a CODE BROWN in trap one!"

Latchkey Parents

The smoking ban has had numerous unexpected consequences, but I think one of the most poignant is the reversal of the tradition of leaving the kids outside the pub in the cold with nothing but a lemonade and a bag of crisps for company.

Today I passed Kings Cross's famous Skinners Arms at midday, and witnessed a small boy shivering upon the pavement in the intemperate weather, suffering alongside his parents who were braving the unseasonable chill in order to enjoy a cigarette alongside their drinks.

There you go: the cigarette ban is bringing families closer together again!

Incubus

I feature exclusive infra-red evidence that her cat is out to get me.

He lies atop the wardrobe like this all night awaiting me to fall asleep, but I won't. I shall never sleep until he STOPS DOING THIS!

Ex-Soviet Psycho Squirrels Savage Starving Spaniel Shock

Yeh, post communist Russia is like some kind of lawless nightmare, where even Dog Eating Squirrels are getting in on the act.

According to the BBC:

"When they saw the men, they scattered in different directions, taking pieces of their kill away with them."

Yeh, they scattered, but wait until they lose their fear of the humans; then our children will not be safe!

Cut the trees down NOW!