The population of an entire London Borough were shamefaced on having to admit that they had misplaced an essential component from the Metalwork cupboard.The Shoebox eventually found a resident willing to speak anonymously:
"We can't find the Bastard!" he explained from his shed.
After waiting for the snickering to subside, he continued:
"That's the name of it, it's a Bastard file. Admittedly, it's a bit big for most work, but if you're going to restrict yourself to one all-purpose file, it'll do most things. However, I've argued for some time now that a half-round double-cut would prove to be far more versatile, but no-one listens to me around here."
When pressed on the impact of the missing tool, our man would only say
"The whole neighbourhood is strewn with burred edges, and there's only so much you achieve with emery cloth! One could suffer a rather nasty skin abrasion if you accidently rubbed up against an unfinished extrusion!"
Asked who lost it, our man was willing to speculate.
"I can't name him, but put it this way; the chisels always come back blunt, he never recharges the drill before returning it, and God knows how he broke the strimmer. I'm sure he's letting his wife use them; and that's strictly against regulations!"
Asked, why he didn't just buy his own tools, our man in the shed just looked confused.
"What do you mean, like private ownership? In Haringey? No, that could never be. This isn't Brent!"
Pushing it's luck, the Shoebox then asked the anonymous shed person if he had greased any nipples lately, only to be expelled with some force.
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