Saddam Meets the Provos

Nice to see that the IRA have found work at what they're best at, as Iran continues its tradition of slaughtering the previous regime.

Apparently, Bush was in bed at 9pm, and missed it. 9pm?

Blair Reputation in Tatters: Official

Well, any credibility that Blair had as a consumate politician, a reformer and an election winner appears to have been shot through by now.

The abandonment of the BAE fraud enquiry (and the concomitant sale of large arms to Saudi Arabia) won't go away lightly, hoorah! Ethical Foreign Policy? Let's stop pretending about that one!

And then, the pipe-smoking, leather elbow patched chaps at Chatham House have been examining the effacacity of Blair's post 9/11 pro-Bush foreign policy, and declared it a DISASTER.

Yes, we all KNOW that already; but coming from the people that Blair usually relies on, that must at least bang the nails into the coffin of Blair's political reputation. Never mind, another six months, and then he can dedicate his time to all those lucrative lecture tours of America that he's clearly looking forward to.





Blair reputation in tatters: official

BAE fraud enquiry

Last Week's News

OK, I'm behind.

I will find time to comment on the governments' moral failure to insist on the continuation of the BAE fraud inquiry, considering it to be acceptable to allow corruption, rather than to lose business to the Saudis. (Read more here)

Meantime, I'd like to apologise for not reacting quick enough to the BBC 'newsticker' headline that read:

Gastro Enteritis Forces Duchess of Cornwall to Cancel Pudding Factory Visit.

Now that is a headline!

If You're Drinking This Christmas

Try avoid sleeping it off on the railway.

I think the best bit of this story is the drunk's father attempting to blame his son's predicament on the railway company.

No Service Charge, Thankyou!

We've decided to start refusing to pay the "service charge" at restaurants, (which is basically a surcharge, with fees going to the owners) with the intention of leaving cash tips for the waiters.

Tonight, the cashier came back to our table THREE TIMES to ask why we weren't paying the full bill.

Be nice to waiters, don't pay the service charge!

Walk On The Wild Side

I don't know what's going on south of the river, but it appears that the Bishop of Southwark has elected to do a Kevin Spacey and retract his mugging claim in the light of events.

Spacey got into a spot of bother in Archbishop's Park in Lambeth, land belonging to the Archibishop of Cantebury (who was not involved, however). The Bishop of Southwork appears to have come a cropper following a night 'round at the Irish Embassy.

The BBC has this account of the Drunken Bishop's escapade in the back of a car.

Meanwhile, the Guardian reports that the Bishop appeared without his Mitre at his Sunday Service, claiming the head injury prevented his wearing the headgear.

So what did the Bishop do with, or — heaven forbid — IN his mitre that rendered it unwearable?

Where is The News of the World when you need it?

Beachcomber Returns

Ever since I first saw the internet, I knew it could facilitate a return to the brief, inspired eccentricity that flourished in British newspapers in the early 20th Century, as the titles would find a small space for a number of lone voices, the best of which was JB Morton, aka Beachcomber, who wrote for the Express for about two centuries until the 1950s.

Those that don't know of his work, his flights of fancy were the obvious inspiration for The Goons, The Beatles, The Bonzos, Monty Python, and everyone in between. He was very much the architect of the comic template for all those mad colonels, posh twits and social faux pas that became the staple of British comedy in the post war years, and in particular the concept of the "vexed of Tonbridge Wells" letters.

Imagine my joy therefore to discover this link from the Surrey Comet with thanks to Monk who unearthed it for our delight.

Read the correspondence, there's barely a duff note, and I suspect that it's the work of one hand, and that of a modern Morton.

Meanwhile on the topic of pigeon extermination, I draw you attention to my own previous pigeon post.

Pinochet: One Down, One More To Go

As Margaret Thatcher shamelessly expresses great regret at the death of her old friend, the pyschopathic dictator Pinochet, the rest of the humane world can only hope that the old witch will take the hint and fuck off out of it as well.

Tiverton 1 McDonalds 0

Sadly, McDonalds, like cancer, will probably be always with us, yet in the west of England, the people of Tiverton have exercised consumer choice and opted for the edible alternative, local produce, enough to see off the American tyrant.

Read about it in the Guardian

"Methane Mary" Grounds Jet

Yes, the war on terror took an unsavoury turn when a farting passenger gassed a flight out of the sky over America.

Apparently there was a blue flash, and everybody began screaming.

Look out for a new round of questioning at the check-in counter.

"What did you have for dinner last night?"

"Have you been for a No. 2 this morning?"

"Have you recently consumed large amounts of lager?"

"Was that you?"

Stop This High Street Filth!

On passing Marks & Spencer tonight, I decided it was time to pop inside and stock up on socks and undies, and followed the signs to Menswear.

Suddenly, and without warning, I found myself in the Ladies Lingerie section, amongst the lurid scanty panties and uplift brassieres!

A quick glance around told me that my presence had gone undetected, so I elected to do what any sensible man would do in the circumstances and turned around immediately, volte face, with the intention of retracing my steps. However, having completed my tergiversation, I was SHOCKED to discover the men's underwear section directly behind me!

Yes, that's right; the men's underwear section was ADJACENT to the ladies' underwear section. Men's and Ladies "you know whats" SHARING THE SAME SPACE! Y-Fronts & Knickers were practically mingling with each other!

For the love of decency, are there no morals anymore? What were they thinking of? This is the permissive society incarnate! Is it any wonder that our society has descend into the cess-pit of debauchery and loose living that it is.

In Marks & Spencer of all people!

Its about time the Daily Mail did a double-page spread on this one.

As you can imagine, unwilling to patronise these pornographers, I made my excuses and left; I have my self-respect to think of you know.