My Chelsea Creche Nightmare.

In 1976 I saw the Who at The Valley, a gig that was allegedly measured as the loudest ever, but I personally never remembered it being that loud. In 1977 The Damned left my ears ringing for days after playing the Village Bowl, a large concrete bunker below Bournemouth. Three years earlier I had had to abandon an attempt to watch Canadian rockers Montrose, due to unnecessarily excessive decibels, as they supported The Sensational Alex Harvey Band.

(Younger viewers may like to note that amplification was still in the developmental stage back then, and most of the volume produced was in the form of pure noise. One would be rendered deaf after most gigs, and some bands sought to invalid its audience for life.)

Anyway, I mention the above only in passing as I have other things to discuss, namely Chelsea in West London, and the experience of having spent the morning with being deafened by the children therein.

My partner and I were on our way to the Chelsea Physic Garden, and decided to treat ourselves to breakfast in the restaurant atop Peter Jones in Sloane Square. The restaurant is large and airy, and boasts magnificent views through it's large glass north facing wall, with a vista that can appear curiously meditarranean in aspect.

However, the restaurant also appears to be infested with every under-five in West London.

It was remarkable, it became apparent that the toffs of Chelsea have claimed Peter Jones as the venue for their sunday morning with the kids. There were hundreds of them, and they were all screaming at the top of their infant lungs in the vain bid to get their parents attention, which was no doubt distracted by the continuing bad news regarding sub-prime lending Stateside.

And they kept on coming: everytime the lift opened, it disgorged yet another buggy pushed by more rich, disinterested parents and their squealing offspring.

And as my ears rang in submission at the kindergarten cacophony, I was not only convinced that the volume was greater than that of any gig I had ever attended, but I wondered if the place was actually in breach of EU health & safety regulations regarding noise at work. Was my hearing in danger? And what of that of the staff?

I actually work in a loud environment, on the cusp of the requirement for ear-defenders, and yet this was far in excess of that. What about school playgrounds? Are people that have to work in that environment asked to wear ear-plugs? Or is this aspect of noise pollution completely ignored because no-one wants to point the finger at a) small children's appauling behaviour or b) their parents inadequate parenting skills, or c) what has become of our apathetic society.

Bring back the command "SHUT UP! NO-ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT!" and the concommitant smacking.

Better still, turn back the clock and keep the children at home until they've learnt how to behave.

Meanwhile, let's have more adult friendly environments. (Symbol: a red circle with red diagonal stripe across a small child).

Anyway, the gardens, as ever, were a child-free delight.