The Great Hypochrondia Outbreak of '09

I'm sure that the figures don't exist, but I wonder which has been worse: the impact of swine 'flu, or the outbreak of malingering that has been prompted by the publicity created regarding the H1N1 epidemic.

At my own place of work, it's been all the usual suspects that have been absorbing the worst case scenarios, then researching the symptoms and ultimately concluding that THEY HAVE SWINE FLU and convincing themselves that they are ABOUT TO DIE! Two days later, they're back, claiming to "feel like death", but appearing to be in unblemished health. (This was previously known a 24hr Cancer).

I would wager that most of the sick-leave across the country has been taken by those that already lead the league tables in absenteeism already, and that the majority of "swine 'flu" leave is in fact no such thing.

Now that I work in an open-plan office, I get to hear the daily exercise where a certain group build themselves into a frenzy of swine 'flu panic, to the point where time-off is inevitable. I think they're actually disappointed that none of them has yet ACTUALLY GOT SWINE flu, let alone DIED OF IT!

Curiously enough, this phenomenum was raised on Radio 4 in the context of the long-forgotten Hong Kong 'flu epidemic of 1969, which killed 60,000 UK citizens. The specialists at the time may have discussed the potential for 60,000 deaths, but such speculation was never published. Back in those unelightened times it was believed to be a bad thing to cause a panic amongst a public which lacked the requisite medical education to place the risks in context.

Hence, a lot of people got 'flu, some died, and some BELIEVED that they had it, but generally the rest of us got on with our lives and soon forgot about it.

I'm all for appraising the public of the facts, but now that we have a milksop generation who lack the robustness to get through the day without suffering some form of trauma, I wonder if we would be better off with an authoritarian-style cover-up. At least I would have to put up with the whinging, and that's all I care about at the end of the day.

Now if you dont' mind, I'm off for my glacial shower and bleach scrub.