Unfortunately, I couldn't watch the internment of the American popular entertainer Michael Jackson as I was busy cleaning the toilet; vacuuming; talking at length to cold callers; listening to the shipping forecast and changing the cat litter.
I was disappointed, therefore, to read that the funeral spectacular went without an appearance of Jarvis Cocker.
If only the Sheffield prankster could have made another impromptu appearance, bundling his way through the mourners uninvited before waving his arms at the front of the stage and exiting pursued by minders. Michael would've wanted it like that.
Actually, he probably wouldn't, but I'm sure he approved of his reluctant child being inveigled into speaking, just to experience the trauma of appearing before the watching millions as a piece of public property.
What next? The "Paris 'n' Bubbles" Extravaganza at the O2, just to recoup some of those lost ticket sales?
Unlikely, as Bubbles undoubtably has legislation to protect his rights to humane treatment.
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