A few weeks back I heard an interview on the radio, where a naive fantasist/attention-seeking time waster (delete where appropriate) was starting April 1st early in announcing that he was about to walk to India, WITHOUT ANY MONEY , relying upon the kindness of strangers to provide his needs.
OK, I was wrong in my initial prediction on hearing the claim, and he clearly exceeded my cynical assumption by getting across the channel somehow (although I suspect this was to the intervention of someone known to the publicity eager pedestrian). However, I was reassured when he came unstuck when approaching THE FRENCH!.
Well, what did he expect?
Back to work on Monday then!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Avert Your Eyes!
Free thinking people have been exposing themselves to the fresh experience on Studland, Dorset, since the Bloomsbury Group hung out together there a century ago.However, the nudists obviously feel under threat and have chosen to place this advertisment on the Sandbanks Ferry (or "chain bridge" to give it it's correct definition).
The Shoebox neither condones or condemns, and merely brings you this as a public service; what you do with the information is your own business.
One day I'll tell you about the "Creased Jeans", 1980s Bournemouth's most celebrated naturists. But only if you're good!
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Wisdom of the East
On entering the service lift this morning, I met an Islamist on his way back to work from the new "multi-faith" prayer-room.
I caught him in the act of "primping" his beard in the mirror, and thus manifesting what appeared to be the sin of pride, although it was, I admit, a magnificent beard; raven black, generous in length and with a lustre to die for.
Although strangers, we nodded in courtesy to each other, and then, as a bearded man myself, I ventured the following;
"Do you," I enquired "suffer from beard dandruff?"
(I confess that I myself have recently had reason to be embarrassed by discovering a dusting upon a my shirt-front following a failed attempt to impress an attractive woman.)
"No" he replied with assurance "I shampoo it in Head & Shoulders"
I tacitly nodded my appreciation, and pondered upon the wisdom that he had imparted.
You don't get that sort of thing from a Church of England education.
I caught him in the act of "primping" his beard in the mirror, and thus manifesting what appeared to be the sin of pride, although it was, I admit, a magnificent beard; raven black, generous in length and with a lustre to die for.
Although strangers, we nodded in courtesy to each other, and then, as a bearded man myself, I ventured the following;
"Do you," I enquired "suffer from beard dandruff?"
(I confess that I myself have recently had reason to be embarrassed by discovering a dusting upon a my shirt-front following a failed attempt to impress an attractive woman.)
"No" he replied with assurance "I shampoo it in Head & Shoulders"
I tacitly nodded my appreciation, and pondered upon the wisdom that he had imparted.
You don't get that sort of thing from a Church of England education.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
They Used To Spit In Your Soup
Not anymore.
Check out how staff at Joe Delucci's Italian Restaurant in Staffordshire respond to complaints.
Maybe they assume that no-one reads the receipt.
Remember: don't pay the service charge; leave a tip on the table.
Check out how staff at Joe Delucci's Italian Restaurant in Staffordshire respond to complaints.
Maybe they assume that no-one reads the receipt.
Remember: don't pay the service charge; leave a tip on the table.
Adios Cuba!
And as Fidel's footsteps fade in the distance, an assumption is made.
That assumption is that the United States will now have free reign to move back in to Cuba and to return to ruling the island as an Caribben theme park.
However, they may find that the European Community may already be there, and may have something to say about any incursion by the "Fat People from the Mainland".
During the course of the ill-conceived (and self-defeating) American embargo, Europeans have been enjoying Cuba for 50 years. The Euro is an accepted currency there. The Spanish, who run anything that runs efficiently on the island, know how to pull a third world economy up by the bootstraps using tourism. The British, French and Germans like to visit a caribbean island which isn't overrun with gun toting, drugs-based gangsterism.
But then, that's where the Americans come in. A free-market economy with American participation will see the return of drug-running in Cuba, in a society little-prepared to deal with it. Castro didn't achieve much, but he did keep the island relatively crime-free (apart from political prisoners), in the way that Mussolini kept the trains running on time.
The other thing Mussolini achieved was the suppression of the mafia. This was short-lived however, once the Americans landed in Sicily during WWII, and reintroduced the Mafia by bringing Lucky Luciano with them. They'd rather have an American gangster running things rather than Italians themselves.
Yes, freedom is in the eye of the beholder, and Washington's eye can be somewhat unfocussed when it comes to foreigners. What Cuba actually needs is help, and an understanding of a very unique and potent culture. Such a fragile environment and its value could be so easily destroyed by the very kind of interference that the State Department and its corporate cronies relish.
Considering Washington's previous record, I fear that Castro's revolution will be succeeded by some kind of "Disneyland run by the Taliban" atrocity.
That assumption is that the United States will now have free reign to move back in to Cuba and to return to ruling the island as an Caribben theme park.
However, they may find that the European Community may already be there, and may have something to say about any incursion by the "Fat People from the Mainland".
During the course of the ill-conceived (and self-defeating) American embargo, Europeans have been enjoying Cuba for 50 years. The Euro is an accepted currency there. The Spanish, who run anything that runs efficiently on the island, know how to pull a third world economy up by the bootstraps using tourism. The British, French and Germans like to visit a caribbean island which isn't overrun with gun toting, drugs-based gangsterism.
But then, that's where the Americans come in. A free-market economy with American participation will see the return of drug-running in Cuba, in a society little-prepared to deal with it. Castro didn't achieve much, but he did keep the island relatively crime-free (apart from political prisoners), in the way that Mussolini kept the trains running on time.
The other thing Mussolini achieved was the suppression of the mafia. This was short-lived however, once the Americans landed in Sicily during WWII, and reintroduced the Mafia by bringing Lucky Luciano with them. They'd rather have an American gangster running things rather than Italians themselves.
Yes, freedom is in the eye of the beholder, and Washington's eye can be somewhat unfocussed when it comes to foreigners. What Cuba actually needs is help, and an understanding of a very unique and potent culture. Such a fragile environment and its value could be so easily destroyed by the very kind of interference that the State Department and its corporate cronies relish.
Considering Washington's previous record, I fear that Castro's revolution will be succeeded by some kind of "Disneyland run by the Taliban" atrocity.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Springtime for Hitler
Yes there's No Nazi Like an Old Nazi:
This one is 104 and STILL PERFORMING!
Collaborating Dutch cabaret artiste Johannes Heesters (he steers to the right) has played in Holland for the first time since 1964, much to the disapproval of "dozens" of protesters. There is no account of how the performance went, or what a 104 yr old cabaret artiste sounds like.
I bet he arrived on time though.
This one is 104 and STILL PERFORMING!
Collaborating Dutch cabaret artiste Johannes Heesters (he steers to the right) has played in Holland for the first time since 1964, much to the disapproval of "dozens" of protesters. There is no account of how the performance went, or what a 104 yr old cabaret artiste sounds like.
I bet he arrived on time though.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
My Tesco Sweetheart: Forever
Every once in a while comes a story of some divvy who gets a tattoo in a language that they don't understand which inevitably turns out to mean something (embarrassingly) entirely different.
Well, imagine if your espousal of love turned out to be Chinese for SUPERMARKET. Oh yeh.
Mind you, she's not the first, and she won't be the last, as there is, indeed, one born every minute.
And lest we forget overachieving brand name personality David Beckham and his own hilarious attempt at Hindi sophistication!
Well, imagine if your espousal of love turned out to be Chinese for SUPERMARKET. Oh yeh.
Mind you, she's not the first, and she won't be the last, as there is, indeed, one born every minute.
And lest we forget overachieving brand name personality David Beckham and his own hilarious attempt at Hindi sophistication!
Monday, February 04, 2008
You Are Now Free To Move Around The Cabin Naked
For those that may want to know, it is now possible to partake in a NUDE FLIGHT to a naturist colony.
OK, let's stop tittering and think about why this is such a BAD IDEA:
a) Imagine the scene at the metal detector: "Sir, only take your belt off! Sir, I only asked you to take the belt off!
b) Air Conditioning: flights are COLD! You need to stay warm, and you're not going achieve that in bare skin. Also the gentlemen may want to consider the consequences of prolonged cold on "the down-belows", no-one wants to spend the first three days of their dream holiday attempting to undo "shrinkage"
c) How the hell are they all going to get undressed in the confined space of a airplane fuselage, and where are they going to put their clothes? There aren't exactly WARDROBES on board! Are they going to politely take turns as each undresses in the aisle space? How long will that take exactly? Someone's bound to get to the destination still FULLY CLOTHED (albeit with warm testicles), and having to arrive ashamed of their clothedness.
d) Those with an aisle seat will at some point have someone's privates in their face as the overhead locker is accessed by a nudist. What is the protocol for when some bloke needs to rummage in the over-head above your seat? The clothed crotch adjacent to one's face is unpleasant enough, so imagine the horror of facing some sun-withered member close up, just dangling there like an exhumed squirrel!
e) Have they considered the risks involved during turbulence, with the possibility of the flight attendant inadvertantly pouring scolding coffee into one's lap? And does anyone really want to witness the effect of "turbulent jiggling" on the larger ladies?
f) What if they have to evacuate the aircraft on the runway? Does anybody want to see that on the news? And what about the chafing on the escape chute?
No; I don't think they've thought this through at all!
Let's hope that they all remember to bring their towels; otherwise the airline is going to have to BURN the blankets and pillows.
(I think the flaw in the nudist argument was best put by Bernard Bresslaw in "Carry On Camping", when Sid has suggested that they spend their holidays at a nudist camp. "I don't know." says Bresslaw. "When I go on holiday I like to relax. And when I relax, I like to put my hands in my pocket. How am I going to do that with no pockets to put 'em in?")
OK, let's stop tittering and think about why this is such a BAD IDEA:
a) Imagine the scene at the metal detector: "Sir, only take your belt off! Sir, I only asked you to take the belt off!
b) Air Conditioning: flights are COLD! You need to stay warm, and you're not going achieve that in bare skin. Also the gentlemen may want to consider the consequences of prolonged cold on "the down-belows", no-one wants to spend the first three days of their dream holiday attempting to undo "shrinkage"
c) How the hell are they all going to get undressed in the confined space of a airplane fuselage, and where are they going to put their clothes? There aren't exactly WARDROBES on board! Are they going to politely take turns as each undresses in the aisle space? How long will that take exactly? Someone's bound to get to the destination still FULLY CLOTHED (albeit with warm testicles), and having to arrive ashamed of their clothedness.
d) Those with an aisle seat will at some point have someone's privates in their face as the overhead locker is accessed by a nudist. What is the protocol for when some bloke needs to rummage in the over-head above your seat? The clothed crotch adjacent to one's face is unpleasant enough, so imagine the horror of facing some sun-withered member close up, just dangling there like an exhumed squirrel!
e) Have they considered the risks involved during turbulence, with the possibility of the flight attendant inadvertantly pouring scolding coffee into one's lap? And does anyone really want to witness the effect of "turbulent jiggling" on the larger ladies?
f) What if they have to evacuate the aircraft on the runway? Does anybody want to see that on the news? And what about the chafing on the escape chute?
No; I don't think they've thought this through at all!
Let's hope that they all remember to bring their towels; otherwise the airline is going to have to BURN the blankets and pillows.
(I think the flaw in the nudist argument was best put by Bernard Bresslaw in "Carry On Camping", when Sid has suggested that they spend their holidays at a nudist camp. "I don't know." says Bresslaw. "When I go on holiday I like to relax. And when I relax, I like to put my hands in my pocket. How am I going to do that with no pockets to put 'em in?")
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