Thursday, August 31, 2006

Terror in the Skies

I think this story from the BBC is only telling half the truth:Pilot in Toilet Farce as I imagine the co-pilot was playing a little TOO safe on the security front.

Scenario:
Pilot returns from lavatory: Thump Thump, "OK Bruce, you get let me back in now!"
Co-Pilot: "Err, How do I know it's you?"
Pilot: "Stop being an asshole you fuckwit and open this door: I have a plane to land!"
Co-Pilot: "Yeh, but, like I say, how do I know it's you?"

And talk about Terror in the Skies: how did the passengers feel as the crew had to break the door open to the cockpit prior to landing?
And how did they feel about flying in The Bombadier?

I think we need answers.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Vintage Guitar Conundrum

Thinking of selling my 70s Strat for its over-inflated value, then exploiting the weak dollar to scale my investment up by buying an better guitar of collector status in the US.

But what guitar?

Or do I just do the Tory thing and buy the instrument which will guarantee the best return?

And can I get it back to Blighty in one piece with the current carry-on restrictions?

"I sorry, but your $4,000 guitar is now matchwood sir"

Decisions, decisions.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Manliness

Just finished a week of working on the house, some of which was successful.

Interesting how hiring equipment makes everything time precious: a bit like real work. No breaks, as any delay could lead to another day's hire charges.

Warning: don't hire a paint sprayer to paint the house.
a) they're expensive
b) they spray EVERYTHING, and you'll spend the entire next day fruitlessly attempting to remove paint from everything you'd didn't want to spray, only to conclude that you'll have to hire the big ladder again in order to paint over the sprayed bits to eradicate the erroneous spray that just won't come off,
and
c) you'll spend more time cleaning the paint-sprayer than you will spraying, as it clogs up whenever you attempt to run any PAINT through it.

Never again.

Oh, and forget about using the herbs in the kitchen side herb boxes: the paint sprayer gets them too.

However: one success. After two years, I finally completed the TV cabinet, which is in place, and has yet to collapse.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Yet Another Nail in Football's Coffin

Those who saw Ben Thatcher's assault on Pedro Mendes last night should be wondering why this shitty little thug is allowed to take part in the national game.
Prior to the 1970s, his actions would have seen him banned from playing altogether, at any level.
Although it's heartening that the Greater Manchester Police are "looking at the evidence" I suspect that this won't amount to much as the FA discreetly fudges the issue with some dreadful compromise along the lines of "sincere apologies", "stern words", and the subtext that "it's a man's game".
And why? Because Thatcher is worth too much in monetary terms to Manchester City to him to be expelled from the game, and if action was taken to proscribe the little shit, then a precedent would have been set and other clubs would be looking at financial loss whenever inappropriate behaviour was punished proportionately.
And we all know that no club is going to allow the FA that power.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

24 Hours Deja Vu

Good luck to our friends in NYC who are recreating past glories.

Me? I'm painting the house, striving daily to overcome vertigo on a seemingly too frail ladder.

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Homebase Incident

I was about to leave my local hardware outlet when I was approached by the commision-only salesman who optomistically sits by the exit attempting to sell doors (or windows?).

"Excuse me sir?" he asked "Are you trade?"

I mean REALLY!

Naturally, I took immediate umbrage and huffed at him, before clutching my all purpose mortar and storming out.

That's not the sort of thing one expects at Homebase: at B&Q maybe, but not Homebase.

Friday, August 18, 2006

The Street

Just finished watching The Street by Jimmy McGovern.
Good series, and great TV, but why does everything from the North West insist on peddling the same reactionary cliché that all middle class people in positions of authority are a) gormless, b) insensitive, c) snobs.
Class affects us all, but it's the working class prejudice against the aspirational that keeps the working class down.
Why can't the English learn to think upwards like the Americans and the Australians?
Come on, let's give it a try.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Moisturiser verses Bush: the war on terror is lost

UA923 from Heathrow has been diverted to Boston with a fighter escort.

If a flight can be rendered suspect because a cantankerous woman—who simply MUST have her moisturiser on a dehydrating long-haul—ignores already over the top boarding restrictions, then the whole concept of national security is proven to be a farce.

Was she EVER considered a threat? Or were the crew merely following the letter of the (hastily scribbled) law as it stands THIS week. We now have a situation where no-one wants to take any risk of incuring the wrath of Rumsfeld, lest their career takes a dive. And this includes the British Aviation Authority.

How much does it cost to scramble two fighters? What was the point of spreading out the luggage on the runway?
This is weakness on the part of the executive, and illustrates just how confused their thinking is.

Even the BBC foolish allowed itself to publish an unsubstantiated claim that the passenger had " a screwdriver, Vaseline, matches and a note referring to al-Qaeda ", but it then continued to refute the allegation for the rest of the day.
If it was unsubstantiated, why print it at all?

Because that's what the government would approve of. It's scene setting, it's softening the public up.

Is our civilisation eating itself?

Saturday, August 12, 2006

OK Everybody, Move Along, Nothing To See

Sorry, I sort of missed yesterday's nonsense, chiefly because I couldn't take it seriously.

All I could think about on hearing how dangerous the plot WOULD be, was Team America's "it will be like 9/11 times a hundred!"

So until the authorities say "In this house, we found these explosives, and these flight tickets" I remain sceptical, for I suspect that someone at the top of the British security forces has told those beneath him to get a victory to placate the Americans after a bad year.

Anyway, thanks to Titivil for bringing our attention to this excellent comment which basically sums it all up for all of us.

Which is more than can be said for yesterday's link to Larry Johnson, which frankly read like a typical whiny America throwing his toys out of the pram because he couldn't make the silly English people act to his will by shouting at them.
Not unlike the America woman of girth who I passed in Kings Cross station on the way to work earlier this week who was BELLOWING at the ticket counter "I DON'T CARE! I WANT ONE, AND I WANT IT NOW!" And as though passing one national stereotype was not enough, I then encountered a German in Leiderhosen. At 8:00 in the morning! I braced myself as I left the station, should I be assailed by a stripey-shirted French Onion seller.

As a boy, on the south coast of England, I have memory of the Breton onion seller who used to cycle Dorset on his bicycle, burdened with onions. He didn't have a stripey shirt, prefering a heavy sailor's jumper, but he did wear a beret. Thus, whenever my brother set off for Sea-Cadets in his own beret, family members would ask him to bring back onions and a packet of Gitanes.

Simple days.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Has Charles Been Buggered?

Well, that's what I THOUGHT the Daily Mail headline said!
Then it turns out about the Prince of Wales having his phone tapped.
Oh, THAT old rumour.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Hizbullah Rocket Attacks Increase

And everyone's pointing the finger at Iran as the likely supplier.
Why aren't they asking who is SELLING these weapons in the first place?
Who's making them; and who's policing the manufacturers?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Viva Castro!

I'd like to let our American friends know that we're all rooting for Fidel over here.

If the White House and their chums down in gun-drenched Miami think they're going to walk straight back in, just wait until they find out how much advance the Europeans have made already.

Basically, Cuba is a shit poor island, but what does work is the Spanish run tourist industry catering for the European visitors who have laid claim to the island over the years of American neglect. And they aren't going to give it up without a fight.

The only thing America has to offer—apart from turning the already sterile Varadero into another Cancun—will be the introduction of the drug trade which will destroy an unprepared, and undeserving country.

Come Fidel; stick it up Uncle Sam just one more time. Solidalidad!

Red Devil Blues

So Manchester United have launched a programme to combat depression amongst their fans.
I take it they're anticipating another crap season.