Blind Man's Bluff

As regular listeners know, I am not an angry man.

However, there are certain circumstances when I am driven to feeling peeved.

Yesterday evening, after a long frustrating day on my way home from work, and having waited four minutes, a train EVENTUALLY arrived, and fortunately a sufficient number of passengers alighted the carriage to provide a choice of seating.

One of those leaving the train was a tall skinny young blind man with a Hoxton Muff, white wayfarer shades and stupid jeans. Like most young men of his age he looked like an idiot, but at least with the visual impairment there were extenuating circumstances.

As I boarded the train, I was looking at the choice of seats when I heard the sartorially challenged blind man on the platform ask "is there a member of staff available?". I turned and noticed that he was being ignored as he asked for a second time.

As the doors bleeped in advance of shutting, I sighed a resigned sigh, stepped back off the train and asked if I could help.

"Yes," he replied, "Can you fetch a member of staff?"

I admit, I felt perfectly qualified to steer the unsighted tramp-boy to the exit, but I dutifully agreed to seek out assistance, and set of on my task.

There was no-one available on that platform, or the other, so I scaled the escalator to the main concourse where the staff like to hang out by the gates. No-one.

I looked across to the new office, where they live. SHUT DOWN! And they've only just OPENED IT!

I swiped myself through the gates and walked around the ticket hall where I finally found the one member of staff working during the rush hour at Kings Cross.

As expected, he was completely indifferent, but at least mumbled into an intercom in response. Whether he was talking to anyone was not my business, and I swiped myself back in.

After berating some tourists for standing on the left of the descending escalator, I eventually made my way back to the platform to inform my ward that help was on its way.

Nowhere to be seen! The pikey little chav had FUCKED OFF out of it! GONE! He didn't even leave a message with the hordes now awaiting the next train, with whom I would now have to compete for my rightful seat!

No doubt some fat ugly tart with a husky voice exploited his impairment and lured him away on a promise, which is frankly unethical and the sort of thing that should be outlawed. They were probably standing on the left of some other escalator at the very moment that I discovered the treachery!

I hereby vow that they haven't heard the end of this!