London Mayor: Latest!

Yes, it's true! Boris is on the lam, after the Metropolitan Police, angered at his dismissal of nation's favourite "Sir" Anthony Blair, sent the Flying Squad in to give his poncy Eton arse a right kickin'.

After an 8mph car chase, (road works on Borough High Street 'til Feb), Boris Johnson, riding a bicycle WITHOUT a helmet went to ground in a disused warehouse in Bermondsey.


There, he taunted officers with cries of "Yah boo sucks! Can't catch me, you riff-raff!"

After the customary stand-off, Detective Inspector Jack Regan, (back by public demand) crouched behind a shit-coloured Ford Consul GT, addressed the Mayor via a megaphone and the following exchange was recorded:

Regan "Come aht Johnson, you TOILET, if ye don't want none of the rough stuff"

Johnson "No way matey! You won't take me, err, alive!

Regan "Don't be a fool man! Ye've overstepped the mark this time, and ye've got it comin' "

Johnson "Stay back! I'm armed! I've got a blunderbuss which has been in my family for nine generations! So there! Actually, err, there's a rather amusing story how my great-great-great grandpapa came across this very, err, weapon, in a game of cards with the Duke of Devonshire! Or was it the Marquis of Salisbury?"

Regan "Cut the crap Johnson! Are comin' aht like a good boy, or are we comin' in te get ye?"

However, as the Flying Squad attempted their daring move, Johnson caught sight of the armed-response unit approaching, and with a cry of "Crikey!"made safe his escape through a crease in his trousers, and hasn't been seen since.


Viewing the scene later, Regan was heard to mutter, "E's a wrong-un, and there's no mistake!"

The police are now staking out Gentlemen's Clubs and Grand Balls awaiting Johnson's inevitable return. "Let's face it," commented a spokesperson "he's a toff, he can't keep away from the Champagne and Canapes for that long; they always revert to type, it's in the blood!"

The Shoebox crime desk have a reporter permanently seconded to this story, and we will provide round the clock coverage in anticipation of Johnson's capture.